learning in the face of adversity

I am grateful that in the midst of the stress I am still able to learn through this situation.  Yesterday after we went to therapy I started thinking about my tendency to bottle things up and not express them until I hit a breaking point.  I realized that a beautiful way to love and honor myself is to let my feelings out – to acknowledge them and share them.  To give them light and attention rather than keeping them hidden in a closet. 

I’ve spent the past couple of years in isolation for fear of being labeled a fool for the decisions I have made and being embarassed by some of the things that have happened.  I don’t want to be isolated anymore – why not just say what is happening?  And instead of feeling like I no longer have time to honor myself in the ways I used to – ways that are not necessarily conducive to taking care of a one year old and still getting sleep – I can honor myself every day just by doing some check-ins and expressing whatever I need to in the moment.  Seems so simple and like something I’ve come to before but today it feels like a powerful realization and like something I can start doing for myself now.  Acknowledgement is so powerful – we all want to be seen and loved, faults and all.  It is such a challenge for me to reveal myself in that way yet it is my highest ideal – to be transparent.  Why is that so scary?

I am grateful for my wonderful neighbor who has opened her heart to us and who takes care of us in ways that make a difference.

I am grateful for my friends.  I would miss them so much if I didn’t have them.

I am grateful for my boy’s shining spirit and curiosity!

I am grateful that my partner is doing his work – even if it feels slow to me, he is showing up in a way many can’t. 

I am grateful to be alive and to have a warm home and enough food and some time alone to spend writing this post.

Today is a good day.

~ by inbetweengirl on January 8, 2009.